April 7, 2012 § 1 Comment
Oh my gosh. I’ve been tagged. Thankyou, thesinglecrunch!! So the game is like a joke chain letter, you write some jokes and then tag some other bloggers….
Anyway. My mum sends me jokes sporadically. She gets them from friends and cousins of hers. Most of them are un-reprintable, as funny as they are, but here are some I enjoyed enough to send on to friends!
Happy IVGLDSW Day!
Today is International Very Good Looking, Damn Smart Woman’s Day, so please send this message to someone you think fits this description. Please do not send it back to me as I have already received it from a Very Good Looking, Damn Smart Woman! And remember this motto to live by: Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, wine in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming “WOO HOO what a ride!”
Have a wonderful day!
To the Girls!!
Inside every older person is a younger person — wondering what the hell happened.
– Cora Harvey Armstrong
Inside me lives a skinny woman crying to get out. But I can usually shut her up with cookies.
The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy.
– Helen Hayes (at 73)
I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrows.
– Janette Barber
Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.
– Caryn Leschen
If you can’t be a good example — then you’ll just have to be a horrible warning.
Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission.
– Eleanor Roosevelt
When life hands you lemons, ask for tequila and salt and call me over!
And here’s the joke I was looking for… (sent from my mum’s Australian cousin)
THE AUSTRALIAN APPROACH
A young Aussie lad moved to London and went to Harrod’s looking for a job.
The manager asked ‘Do you have any sales experience?’
The young man answered, ‘Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Dubbo.’
The manager liked the Aussie so he gave him the job.
His first day was challenging and busy, but he got through it.
After the store was locked up, the manager came down and asked, ‘OK, so how many sales did you make today?’
The Aussie said, ‘One!’
The manager groaned and continued, ‘Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day.
‘How much was the sale for?’
The manager choked and exclaimed £124,237.64!! What the hell did you sell him?’
‘Well, first I sold him a small fish hook, then some sinkers and then I sold him a new fishing rod.’
‘Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down at the coast, so I told him he would need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him that twin-engine Power Cat.’
‘Then he said he didn’t think his Honda Civic would pull the boat, so I took him down to car sales and I sold him the 4×4.
The manager, incredulous, said, ‘You mean to tell me…a guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a 4×4?’
‘No, no, no… he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his girlfriend and I said…
“Well, since your weekend’s stuffed, you might as well go fishing”.’